-1 +-1=+2

Hey maybe you are right and we are both fakes but together we become authentic.  I like the hot cross bun - maybe I am the hot cross bun of fakes - a completely transparent fake like the rock breakfast - just clearly something else a fake that's not really trying.  I tried to find a picture of a piece of work of mine where I wrote a label which said "The only difference between a fake and a copy is an intention" I really like this statement - I would rather be a fake of an artist than a copy of an artist.

I enjoyed thinking about where ideas come from the other day - we seem to have had a bit of a funny spell in some ways and it's strange because the whole Ruskin project seems to be going really well - not just on the surface but all the way through.

When I wrote the interim report to the arts council everything seemed to have worked out and the more we change the press in "force of nature" the more I grow to like the piece and feel that it has worked - it is a genuine collaboration between us and it's a piece of art so there is no wonder it was a problem thing -but in the end I recon it has resolved itself.

One thing I've always struggled with though is not feeling I'm doing things justice - there is a quote which I think is in the beginning of the film "the hours" and also in a film from the 1980's called "plenty" but I think originally is from Virginia wolfs Mrs Delaware .  I quote or misquote from my memories of the films as I'm not in a hyper link mood today and am not going to Google it "There will be days and days like this. I thought this was the beginning of happiness but this is happiness."  I like this quote it sticks in my mind as a lesson, firstly about not waiting around for things to get better but mainly about acceptance.

I chatted to Kim last night about the vague feeling of self doubt and worries about what we are doing all the time.  Also Ian Wrag who will probably read this said at the studios that he couldn't really understand why everything seemed like such a struggle for us and I think was maybe saying that we are really lucky but seem to moan a bit on the blog.  I think I stroked my beard and said something about making the thinking more open and transparent and it was an experiment- I also said something about not really thinking people will read it- both are true but also it did make me think that I'd like to start to say something new and it not to be a moan about how hard things are.

So in line with the quote from Mrs Deleware maybe I need to accept a few things and recognise that this is as good as it gets.  The first things I can think of.

 accept that;-

Things will never really feel quite good enough.

I will never feel confident about been an artist.

I will not come up with a new theory of art anyone will listen to.

Nothing will ever fall into place.

I will always be emerging.

I will think of something new and then read it on my own blog from four years ago.

I am really lucky to be able to do this work with such a nice interesting bunch of people.